Some time ago, I honestly can't remember when without checking, I jumped.
Quite literally, I freaking jumped.
Even though I have to search the archives to remember exactly when this was (I had a look; it looks like it was October 2011), I feel it like it was yesterday. I remember standing on the edge of that cliff, hearing everything but also hearing nothing. Seeing waves smashing below me, but seeing clear blue water. Looking out and seeing the perfect horizon, and seeing a weird murky fog of nothing.
I especially remember the feeling in my knees; the feeling that they might give way before I could jump, the feeling that I might cripple myself and smash off the side of the cliff. Looking down, the sea looked a billion miles away, and I couldn't stop picturing the lifeguard warning sign: DANGER, WE WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR INJURY OR DEATH.
(I'm kinda sad they've updated it since I was last there...)
Oh, and also,
I had to jump, though. I'd made it so far, and I knew that if I could just exercise my will power, my determination, my faith, my balls the size of all the Caribbean islands put together, I would be fine.
Ok I didn't know for certain, but my faith said I would be fine.
Of course you could make it. Why couldn't you make it?
My knees and stomach said you're going to make friends with those rocks, but what-the-fvck-ever, Jay.
The moment I jumped, the entire world seemed to go into slow motion. On the way down, I remember thinking all of the following thoughts:
HOLY SHIT - I JUMPED!!
Ooooo look at the horizon it's so pretty!
Why haven't I hit the water yet?
Oh shit, yeah, keep your body straight? Or...curved? Or...
Shit did I jump?
Oooo look at the water it's SO BLUE!!
Fuuuuuuuuuccckkkkk I wish I was a better swimmer.
OMFG LOOK AT THE WATER COMING RIGHT AT ME OMFGGGG
Holy fvck...I jumped.
I don't recall much after hitting the water, apart from the overwhelming feeling of success for having made it, gratitude for having made it, and excitement for having made it.
Once every few years, I revisit this video and ask myself the exact same question.
Of course I made it. Why wouldn't I make it?
The level of faith I tap into every single day, is just one of the things which brings me continuous success. I KNOW that I can do something, but I have to do it.
I have to jump.
I have to have faith in knowing the water isn't suddenly going to disappear.
I have to have faith in knowing that the wind isn't suddenly going to sweep me away.
I didn't hit the rocks, the water stayed beneath me, the wind didn't whisk me away. I moved into a whole new mental space of possibility, and I physically reminded myself of what my body can do.
I have to have faith in knowing that I simply asked to survive, that I asked to be successful, that I asked to make it. I deserved to make it, I deserved to have fun, I deserved to recognise my own worth and confidence, and faith and trust in whatever I trusted in (including myself), and to know that I could make things happen regardless of what those around me were saying.
I knew I wanted to be successful, and I knew I didn't want to stay where I was - both physically and mentally. I wanted to jump. I wanted to demonstrate to myself that I'm stronger than I thought.
Of course you made it. Why wouldn't you make it?
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