Trying the whole "fake it until you make it" almost crippled me, my creative nature, and my mental health.
Because my imposter syndrome was HUGE, and pretty much overshadowed EVERYTHING I did. Including the action and notion of faking it.
"Jay, even faking it is bullshit. They will all know."
"You can fake it all day long, you still won't make it, LOL."
"How the hell do you think you can improve if everything you're doing is fake?"
"Fakers are fraudsters."
"If you have to fake it, then no one will trust you."
And soooooo many moooorrrrre.
Pretty much all of these tore me apart on a daily basis, and contributed to me feeling even worse than I had ever done before.
And so I had some questions.
If I know I'm faking, how the hell am I ignoring the truth?
How am I supposed to trust someone who doesn't trust themselves?
If I'm faking, then I'm admitting I'm not the real thing...dafuq?
What the hell am I going to learn by not addressing what's really happening?
SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I CANNOT SHIFT IMPOSTER SYNDROME??!?!!?!!
So what the heck are you supposed to do?
FEEL IT 'TIL YOU BELIEVE IT
No one has ever actually said this to me. That said, it's something I've been doing for YEARS (and is also a major key to how I manifest the crazy magic in my life). I remember being about 9 years old, only having played the cello for 3 years, and feeling in some kind of way that I could be a solo cellist.
I also thought I could be an orthodontist. However, I didn't believe it, for some reason... (I obviously wasn't feeling it, but it did seem like a fun idea at the time...)
I actually quit playing the cello for about 10 years, because I stopped feeling like I could be one, I fell into feeling like I was faking it.
But... Faking it was not an option - how the hell was I supposed to fake it, if I didn't FEEL it? Also, faking being a professional cellist? That's a recipe for disaster - stage fright and performance anxiety can DESTROY a person.
(Thankfully I don't deal with those anymore.)
The turnaround back into playing the cello (somewhere around September 2015 - I picked up the cello I hadn't touched for years, and felt like I had reattached a limb somehow) was one of the greatest FEELINGS ever. It FELT like coming home. It FELT real, and it FELT true.
In fact, I remember picking it up and saying the words "I feel like I'm a cellist."
A year or 2 later, I remember saying "I feel like I could be a professional cellist".
And I held on to that feeling like a kid holding onto the best snacks EVER.
The moment I explored what it might FEEL like to be the person I wanted to be, that's when the most bonkers and incredible shit happened.
My businesses exploded. My opportunities increased a crazy amount. People wanted to book me for all kinds of things, because they believed in me like I believed in me. (Incidentally, I did this when I went into photography, when I auditioned for my Masters, when I moved for divorce, when I started streaming on Twitch, and So. Much. More.)
At the end of the majority of my coaching sessions, I will ask you, "so how do you feel now, at the end of this session?" And the reason for this is because you begin to acknowledge and understand what's coming up for you, what feels good, and what feels right.
And when you know what feels good and right, that's when you know your imposter syndrome is being shoved into the bin, and you're moving in the right direction.
No need to fake it anymore, believe me. <3
Photo taken at Gunnersbury Park Wedding Show back in April this year, with HUGE thanks to the very talented Anna at Secù Photography. I think it's safe to say this photo tells you I feel like a professional solo wedding cellist.
What are you faking, which you want to believe in? Slide into my comments and let me know below!
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